Reflections from an (Almost) Teacher.

3/6

A brief outline of my third week of prac - better write and reflect on it before the end of the holidays!

I really must try to do this every day next term: teaching full time, there will be far too much to write for me to leave it until the end of the week!

Anyway, I had a beautiful Monday, though it was rushed and full, as my mentor teacher’s last day before she headed overseas! It was fascinating to watch as she quickly whipped up a weeks worth of work and activities for the students, to give to the relief teachers. 

J insisted on having the relief teachers teach, as she felt it was unfair to leave me to teach with no consistant support and feedback, and so left me small activities to do with students, and prepare for the next term’s work. When mentioning her plan to other prac students, some were appalled that I wasn’t allowed to teach on my own, but I was relieved. They said how much they would have loved it, to have that freedom, but that freedom scares me. As it was, I really enjoyed all the tips that I was able to pick up from the different relief teachers in the class! Working with them really opened my eyes to the great initiative and flexibility a relief teacher must show, and I saw how far I have to go to be a good and successful relief teacher, but it was also very encouraging!

I had to teach on my own on Friday (not even someone watching me), the last day of term, though. And while it ran very smoothly for the most part, it had very scary moments. Losing my patience with a student on the way to walking the students to chapel first thing in the morning, lead to a large search of the area when I realised he had not walked with the rest of us, but run away. Most terrifying thing ever. I prayed and prayed and was positively freaking out, but mentioned it to two familiar teachers who I knew would understand, and one helped me look, and we found him locked inside a little commonroom next to my room. I was so relieved that the teacher who helped me said little about the incident and was reassuring, though I STILL worry about what was said about me in private conversation. I’m kicking myself for the way I dealt with the situation initially, but still can’t think of another way I could have done it. Amazingly, I somehow restored myself in the eyes of that student, and we got along well for the rest of the day. 

It was a hard, hard day, and a good thing there was very little work to do, because all the students were so tired!!!! So very tired, and on very short fuses. But we all made it. There were such moments during the day where I could only stand there and wonder what on earth I was supposed to be doing, and other moments where I knew (and I never really feel all that confident!) that I was doing the right thing, and that the students were responding well to my teaching and management. 

I really need to work on my confidence with managing the students. Also on my management in pressured situations. I think I have been far too hesitant and cautious previously, and it has lead to my development as a teacher being ‘stunted’ in a way. I am not a risk-taker. I don’t trust myself. I rely far too much on the instruction given to me by my mentors and I constantly seek reassurance from more experienced, all the while worrying that they will think I’m incompetent. These are things that come naturally to my personality, and I know I must not let it affect my teaching or my management of the students. 

And that’s enough reflection for right now… more to come later.